Have you ever noticed that it's only 'perfect
' people who are murdered or killed in horrific accidents?
"He was the perfect son" or "She was the perfect daughter."
"Such a tragic accident they were the perfect family."
"They died together, the perfect couple till the end."
Makes me glad I abuse
my kids and beat up my wife. Makes me kind of immortal
One day at a busy airport, the passengers
on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot
to show up so they can get under way.
The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind
; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.
At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane
begins moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.
Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.
When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!"
George W. Bush was out jogging one morning when he tripped, fell over a bridge railing and landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful and offered the kids their wish.
The first kid said, "I would like to go to Disneyland."
George said: "No problem, I'll take you there on Air Force One!"
The second kid said: "I really need a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's."
George said: "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"
The third kid said: "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!"
George is a little perplexed by this and says: "But you don't look like you are injured."
The kid says: "I will be immediately, after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning!"
What's a perfect breakfast
for a woman
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl
And her husband
is on the back of the milk carton.