A man was brought before the judge and charged with Necrophilia.3 Short jokes
The judge told him: "In 20 years on the bench, I have never heard such a disgusting and immoral thing. Give me a good reason why I shouldn't lock you up and throw away the key."
The man replied: "I will give you 3 good reasons:
(1) It's none of your damn business.
(2) She was my wife.
(3) I didn't know she was dead because she always acted that way!"
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. This being a big event, the girl tells her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and "do it" for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never done it before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some protection. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about protection and doing it. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many he'd like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be very busy, it being his first time and all.6 Pharmacist Jokes
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parent's house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in." The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy still deep in prayer with his head down. Ten minutes pass and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to her boyfriend, "I had no idea you were so religious." The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
Why did Bill Clinton stop playing the saxophone?6 Bill Clinton Jokes
He was too busy playing the harmonica.
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs. awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.3 Mother-In-Law Jokes
The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.
The wife said: "What are we going to do?"
"Nothing, the lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."
How come if ants are always so busy they always get time to show up at picnics?1 Ant Jokes