, do you have change
for a dollar
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"
Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives
"Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" .
"Well ... not exactly." his friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog
aspect of it."
"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"
"Well ... not exactly ... I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead."
Two guys are playing golf
. The women in front of them are really taking their time and are slowing the men up.
So one man says to his friend
, "I'm gonna go ask those ladies if we can play through."
He starts walking, but about halfway there, he turns around. When he gets back, his friend asks what happened.
He replies, "One of those women is my wife
, and the other is my mistress
. Why don't you go talk to them?"
So the second man starts to walk over. He gets halfway there and turns around.
When he gets back, his friend asks, "Now what happened?"
To this he replies, "Small world."
Yesterday I was at the local Wal-Mart
. Now I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out, there he was - a damn Motorcycle cop
writing a parking ticket
So, I went to him and said: "Come on Buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He simply ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So, I called him a pencil necked Nazi. He then glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!
So, I called him a sorry excuse for a human being. He then finished the second ticket and put it on the car
with the first. Then he started to write a third ticket!
This went on for about 25 minutes ... the more I abused and hurled insults at him, the more tickets he wrote ...
But hey, I didn't give a damn. My car was parked around the corner ...
Wade Boggs, Steve Garvey and Pete Rose are in a bar
A pretty woman
walks by and Boggs says, "I'm going to ask her out."
Garvey replied, "You can't do that, she's carrying my baby
To which Rose added, "You wanna bet