What is the smallest part of a FIAT?33 Car Jokes
The owners brain.
Broccoli, "I look like a small tree."11 Banana Jokes
Mushroom, "I look like an umbrella."
Walnut, "I look like a brain."
Banana, "Can we please change the topic?"
Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy, when he noticed the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing.30 Sex Jokes
“Did you get that for your birthday?” He asked.
“No!” Jimmy replied.
“Well did you get it for Christmas then?” Johnny asked.
“You didn’t steal it, did you?”
“No!” said Jimmy.
“I went into Mom and Dad’s bedroom the other night when they ‘doing the nasty’. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me."
Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy’s new watch.
He vowed to get one for himself. That night he waited outside his parents’ room until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking.
Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and asked him angrily: “What do you want now?”
“I cannot sleep there's water in my bed”. Johnny replied.
Without missing a stroke, his father said: “Fine! Stand at the corner keep quiet and wait!”.
A CEO throwing a party takes his executives on a tour of his opulent mansion. In the back of the property, the CEO has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen. The huge pool, however, is filled with hungry alligators. The CEO says to his executives "I think an executive should be measured by courage. Courage is what made me CEO. So this is my challenge to each of you: if anyone has enough courage to dive into the pool, swim through those alligators, and make it to the other side, I will give that person anything they desire. My job, my money, my house, anything!"29 Ceo Jokes
Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow the CEO on the tour of the estate. Suddenly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone turns around and sees the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) in the pool, swimming for his life. He dodges the alligators left and right and makes it to the edge of the pool with seconds to spare. He pulls himself out just as a huge alligator snaps at his shoes.
The flabbergasted CEO approaches the CFO and says, "You are amazing. I've never seen anything like it in my life. You are brave beyond measure and anything I own is yours. Tell me what I can do for you." The CFO, panting for breath, looks up and says, "You can tell me who the hell pushed me in the pool!!"
A woman and a baby come into the doctor's office. She is taken into an examining room and waits for the doctor. After arriving there, the doctor examines the baby, and finds him not gaining much weight and asks the woman, "Is he breast fed or on the bottle?"31 Baby JokesNext page Jokes
"Oh ... he is breast fed!", replied the woman.
"Well then, strip down to your waist," orders the doctor.
She takes off her top and bra and sits on the examing table. The doc starts pressing, kneading and pinching both breasts for quite a while in a very detailed and thorough examination.
The doc motions to her to get dressed, then the doctor says: "No wonder this baby is so hungry. You don't have any milk!"
The woman with a wry grin on her face responds: "Well of course I don't." "I'm his aunt - but I'm sure glad I brought him in!"