Little Johnny: "Mummy, mummy, does a lemon have a beak?"25 Lemon Jokes
Mum: "No it doesn't my son."
Little Johnny: "Oops, so it was a canary that I squeezed ..."
What did God say after she made Eve?12 God Jokes
Practice makes perfect.
A fellow was about to enter a bar when a dog tugged at his trouser leg and said to him, "Hey, pal! Wanna make some quick money?"12 Dog Jokes
The man couldn't believe his ears. He said to the dog, "Can you talk?"
"Yeah," the dog answered, "and that's how we can pick up some easy money. You take me into the bar with you, pretend I'm your dog, and bet everybody I can talk."
The fellow thought that was a great idea, so he took the dog into the bar, set it on the bar, and announced to everyone that the dog could talk. The other patrons didn't believe him, and it wasn't long before several thousand dollars had been bet. Finally, after all the bets had been placed, the guy said to the dog, "All right, go ahead and say something."
He told the dog again, "Hey! All the bets are placed! Say something, for God's sake!"
The dog just looked at him and whined.
He, asked again and again, but the dog wouldn't say a word. Finally, the fellow had to pay all the bets, scooped up the dog in disgust and walked out. Once outside, he screamed at the dog, "You just cost me way over a thousand dollars! You got anything to say before I seriously boot your mangy arse?"
"Take it easy, pal! You ain't thinkin'," the dog answered. "Tomorrow night, we'll be able to get odds of fives or better."
There were three boys in a classroom: one named Zip, Dick, and Pea. Their teacher leaves the room for a moment, so Zip gets on top of the cupboard, Dick goes inside the cupboard, and Pea jumps around outside.63 Dick Jokes
The teacher returns and yells: "Zip down, Dick out, and Pea in the corner!"
A boy in bath with his mum asks: "What's that hairy thing?58 Sex JokesNext page JokesBoy Sayings
Mum says:"That's my sponge.
The says: "Oh yeah, babysitters got one too. I have seen her washing Dads face with it."