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One sperm says to the other: "How far is it to the ovaries?"

The other one replies: "Relax. We just passed the tonsils."

44     sperm jokes


Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, "Where in the hell have you been?"

Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."

"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"

"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred Dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"

"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."

54     tattoo jokes


A woman comes into a hardware store.

"May I help you ma'am?"

"Yes, please, I need a three inch door hinge."

"Do you wanna screw for it?"

"No thanks," she responds, "but I'll blow you for that clock radio over there."

30     sex jokes


Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

53     smile jokes


What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?

Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

36     love jokes






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