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Birth jokes

28 jokes about births



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A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture.

The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon."

Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics"

The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."

And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"

The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women."

57     sex jokes


A woman with triplets pregnancy is taken as hostage during a stickup at the bank. The robber shoots her three times in the stomach before he is arrested by armed police. Amazingly, the woman finds out all her babies have survived. She gives birth to 2 girls and a boy.

15 years later, she comes home from work to find her first daughter crying. When she asks her what's wrong, her daughter tells her she went for a wee and a bullet came out. She reassures her this is normal, and tells her the bizarre story.

The next day, she finds her second daughter crying, who also says she went for a wee and a bullet came out. Once again she tells the story.

The day after that, she finds her son crying, and asks him if he went for a wee and had a bullet come out. He looks at her confused and replies ''No - I was having a wank and I shot the dog!''

37     bullet jokes


Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob and starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobbie. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time."

38     sex jokes


Proposal

Two gay guys are shopping at a store. The one gay guy starts wiggling his butt. His partner looks at him and says, "What's wrong honey?" The other says, "It feels like there's something stuck up my ass." The other says, "Well let's go home and I'll check." They get home and he drops his pants and bends over. The other gay guy sticks his hand in his butthole up to his wrist and feels around. "Nope, nothing there!" The other guy says, "Oh just go in farther, I can still feel it there." So he sticks his arm in up to his elbow and feels around. "Still nothing!" Then the other says, "You almost had it, just a little farther!" So he jams his arm up the poopchute to his shoulder and feels something!" He draws out his arm and looks, in the palm of his hand is a wrist watch! The other guy starts singing, "Happy birthday to you....."     ~ bill gates o hell

3     Short jokes


A boy is writing a paper on childbirth and asks his parents: "How was I born?"

His mother awkwardly answers: "The stork brought you."

"Oh," says the boy. "Well, how were you and Daddy born?"

"Oh, the stork brought us, too, and Grandpa and Grandma."

The boy begins his paper: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

15     stork jokes






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