A teacher asks her class: “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?”37 Little Johnny Jokes
She calls on little Johnny. He replies, ”None, they all fly away with the first gun shot”
The teacher replies: “The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.”
Then Little Johnny says: “I have a question for you. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?”
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied: “Well I suppose the one that’s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.”
To which Little Johnny replied: “The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking.”
One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on an exotic parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid. The price was high but the fine bird was finally his!47 Auction Jokes
As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"
"Don't worry," said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."35 Pirate Jokes
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
"Well, ok, but what about that hook? "What happened to your hand?"
"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."
"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from some bird shit."
"It was my first day with the hook."
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?15 Seagull Jokes
Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels.
A burglar broke into a home and was looking around. He heard a soft voice say, "Jesus is watching you". Thinking it was just his imagination, he continued his search. Again the voice said "Jesus is watching you". He turned his flashlight around and saw a parrot in a cage.42 Burglar JokesNext page JokesBird Sayings
He asked the parrot if he was the one talking and the parrot said, "yes."
He asked the parrot what his name was and the parrot said, "Moses."
The burglar asked, "what kind of people would name a parrot Moses?"
The parrot said, "the same kind of people who would name their pit bull Jesus".