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came home from school one day and went by his mom's room. The door was open, so he looked in and saw his mom lying on the bed naked
moaning and touching herself saying, "Ooh, I need a man! I need a man!"
The next day, Little Johnny got home from school and saw his mom lying on the bed naked with a naked guy on top of her. So Little Johnny ran to his room, stripped down naked, and started to touch himself, while moaning, "Ooh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"
Two engineering students
meet on campus one day.
The first engineer
calls out to the other, "Hey nice bike! Where did you get it?"
"Well," replies the other, "I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young coed rides up on this bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes
, and says 'You can have anything you want!'"
"Good choice," says the first, "her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Little Patrik asked for a bike for his Birthday
. His dad said: "We'd get you one but your mortgage
is $80,000 and your mum has lost her job."
Next day Patrick walked out with his suitcase packed, his dad asks: "Where you going son?"
Patrick replied: "I walked past your room last night and heard you tell mum you were pulling out, then I heard mum tell you to wait coz she was comintoo, I'm not staying here on me own with an $80,000 mortgage and no fucking bike!"
How do you cancel an appointment at the sperm bank
Ring up and say you cannot cum
A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be selfsufficient gets word that he is to return home.
He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest. He points to a tree
and says to the chief: "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts: "Tree."
The missionary is pleased with the response.
They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says: "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts: "Rock."
The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of heavy romantic activity. The padre is really flustered and quickly responds: "Riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them!
The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other! How could he just kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied: "My bike."