wasn't getting good marks in school
. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades
, somebody is going to get a spanking
One day, while relieving himself in the employee restroom, Carl could not help but notice the unusually long penis
on the black man in the adjoining urinal. "How do you guys do that?" asked Carl. "I mean, get such long dicks
?" "Well," replied the black man, "when having sex
, just push it in slow and pull it out quick. That exercises it."
After hearing this, Carl promised himself that he would try out this new dick-stretching technique on his wife. That night, Carl made love to his wife and tried the new method. Shortly after they finished, Carl asked, "Well dear, did you notice anything different about me?"
"Yeah," said the wife. "You fuck
like a black man!"
An old Italian Mafia
Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed Grandson I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me. But grandpa I really don't like guns
, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch
You lisina to me, some day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple od bambino, some day you goina come hom and maybe finda you wife in be with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, "TIMES
Yesterday I was at the local Wal-Mart
. Now I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out, there he was - a damn Motorcycle cop
writing a parking ticket
So, I went to him and said: "Come on Buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He simply ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So, I called him a pencil necked Nazi. He then glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!
So, I called him a sorry excuse for a human being. He then finished the second ticket and put it on the car
with the first. Then he started to write a third ticket!
This went on for about 25 minutes ... the more I abused and hurled insults
at him, the more tickets he wrote ...
But hey, I didn't give a damn. My car was parked around the corner ...