Being - 38 jokes
12 → Joke
The National Poetry
Contest had come down to semi-finals between a Yale graduate and a redneck
from Wyoming. They were both given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was “Timbuktu
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He confidently stepped to the microphone and said:
“Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan
Men on camels, two by two
The crowd went crazy. No way could the redneck top this, they thought.
The redneck, with sweat rolled down his face, made his way to the microphone and said:
“A friend and I a hunting went,
We spied three maidens in a tent,
They being three, we being two,
I bucked one and Tim bucked two.”
The redneck went to the finals.
Meeting rules24 → JokeProposal
1) Never arrive on time, or you will be stamped a beginner.
2) Don't say anything until the meeting is half over; this stamps you as being wise.
3) Be as vague as possible; this prevents irritating the others.
4) When in doubt, suggest that a subcommittee be appointed.
5) Be the first to move for adjournment; this will make you popular - it's what everyone is waiting for.
Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live.6 → JokeProposal
Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him, of course she agreed and they made passionate love.
Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said: "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Carolyn agreed and again they made love.
Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realised he now had only eight hours of life left.
He touched Carolyn's shoulder and said: "Honey? Please Just one more time.
She agreed, then afterward she rolled and fell asleep."
Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until it was down to only four more hours.
He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we ...?".
His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said: "Listen Barry, I'm not being funny but I have to get up in the morning and go to work while you don't!."
Nathan goes to see his doctor. After a lengthy examination the doctor sighs, and says, "I've some bad news for you, Nathan. You have an incurable cancer. I suggest you quickly put your affairs in order." Nathan is initially shocked, but then, being a calm, solid character, he composes himself and quietly leaves the doctor's office. His son Max is waiting for him.8 → Joke11 → Joke
"Max," says Nathan, "we celebrate when things are good and we sometimes celebrate when things are not so good. In my case, Max, things aren't so good - I have cancer, so I suggest we go to my golf club for a few drinks." 4 or 5 glasses of whisky later, the two are feeling a little less sad. Then, after a few laughs and some more glasses of whisky, they are approached by two of Nathan's club mates, curious as to what Nathan and Max are celebrating.
Nathan tells them, "Guys, we're drinking to my impending death. I've been diagnosed with AIDS." His club mates are shocked. They give Nathan their condolences, have a couple of beers and leave. Max then says, "Dad, you tell me you're dying of cancer yet you tell your friends you're dying of AIDS. I don't understand."
Nathan replies, "I don't want any of them sleeping with your mother after I'm gone."
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