Being - 38 jokes
40 → Joke
A lady was in the stirrups at her gynecologist
's office having her annual checkup
, when she heard the doctor
talking to himself as he examined her: "My, what a big vagina
! ... My, what a big vagina!"
The lady was, to put it mildly, a bit annoyed. Being the assertive type she spoke up immediately: "Doctor, I can't believe what I'm hearing! I think it's incredibly unprofessional of you to say something like that. To say such a thing once was bad enough, but twice is outrageous!"
"I'm very sorry," replied the doctor, "please forgive me. But just to set the record straight, I only said it ONCE Once once ..."
36 → Joke
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
are roaming in the forest when they come across a lake. The water was enticing and Snow White decides to take a bath. So she tells the Dwarfs to turn around while she is taking a bath in the lake. The Dwarfs protest vehemently because they want to take a bath too.
Snow White relents and says "When I get into the water and you hear the splash, you can turn around." Snow White undresses and as she is about to jump into the water, at that very moment, she is startled by a frog who jumps into the water before she can. The moment the Dwarfs hear the SPLASH, they turn around and see Snow White standing NAKED
Now, given that this incident is an idea for a TV ad, what product is being advertised?
That's easy ... 7 Up!
Teacher41 → Joke
: Why are you late
Joseph: Because of a sign
down the road.
Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?
Joseph: The sign said, "SCHOOL
AHEAD. GO SLOW!"
31 → Joke
Yesterday I was at the local Wal-Mart
. Now I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out, there he was - a damn Motorcycle cop
writing a parking ticket
So, I went to him and said: "Come on Buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He simply ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So, I called him a pencil necked Nazi. He then glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!
So, I called him a sorry excuse for a human being. He then finished the second ticket and put it on the car
with the first. Then he started to write a third ticket!
This went on for about 25 minutes ... the more I abused and hurled insults
at him, the more tickets he wrote ...
But hey, I didn't give a damn. My car was parked around the corner ...
38 → Joke
What does a lawyer
and a sperm
have in common?
Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human
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