What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?18 Man Jokes
The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
A guy walks into a bar.45 Horse Jokes
Guy: "Hey, barkeeper, give me a beer."
Barkeeper: "Tell you what, if you can make that horse out there laugh, I will give you a free beer and $500."
So the guy walks outside and whispers to the horse. The horse laughs. The guy walks back in.
Guy: "Where's my $500 and free beer?"
Barkeeper: "Alright, double or nothing says you can't make that horse cry."
The guy walks outside again. The barkeep chuckles to himself as he's cleaning a glass and misses what the guy does, but he hears the horse crying. The guy comes back in.
Guy: "Alright, where's my $1000 and two free beers?"
Barkeeper: "What did you say to make the horse laugh?"
Guy : "I told him I have a bigger penis than him."
Barkeeper: "What did you do to make him cry?"
Guy: "I showed him."
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."28 Preacher Jokes
With even greater emphasis, he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
And then, finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down.
The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a pleasant smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather At the River.'"
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter.25 Fly Jokes
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting flies," He responded.
"Oh, killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, three males, two females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell?
He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."
Two married Fellas, Jim and Alec were having a beer after work. Jim says: "Have you ever said something when you meant to say something else?"44 Marriage JokesNext page JokesBeer Sayings
"How do you mean?" said Alec.
"Well, see the other day, instead of two tickets to Pittsburgh, I asked for two pickets to Titsberg"
"Yeah, I know what you mean," said Alec. "Last week I was having breakfast with my wife. I meant to say 'Pass me the Sugar.' But what came out was "You bitch, you've ruined my life!!!"