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Beer jokes

36 jokes about beer



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There's a big conference of beer producers. At the end of the day, the presidents of all beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar.

The president of 'Budweiser' orders a Bud, the president of 'Miller' orders a Miller Lite, Adolph Coors orders a Coors, and the list goes on. Then the waitress asks Arthur Guinness what he wants to drink, and much to everybody's amazement, Mr. Guinness orders a Coke!

"Why don't you order a Guinness?" his colleagues ask.

"Naah. If you guys won't drink beer, then neither will I."

11     → Joke


What not to say to the nice policeman:

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

13     → Joke


An Irishman is sitting at the end of a bar. He sees a lamp at the end of the table. He walks down to it and rubs it. Out pops a genie. It says: "I will give you three wishes."

The man thinks awhile. Finally he says: "I want a beer that never is empty."

With that, the genie makes a poof sound and on the bar is a bottle of beer. The Irishman starts drinking it and right before it is gone, it starts to refill. The genie asks about his next two wishes.

The man says: "I want two more of these."

28     → Joke


A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can.

He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!".

After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"

9     → Joke


HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN

Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN

Arrive naked ... with beer.

55     → Joke



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