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Bee jokes

141 jokes about bees


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What kind of bees make milk?

Boobies!

21    

bee

boy,transport
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears. Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong.

"Oh Pop," Johnny sobbed, "for me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you're telling me now that grown ups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to believe in!"

34    


Proposal

Three soldiers wounded in Iraq come home and are greeted by President Obama. He thanks them for their service, but tells them that, because of budget cuts, there have been some changes to the way you will be compensated for your wounds. You will be paid $100 per inch from any one part of your body to any other part of your body, you get to choose the parts.

The first soldier, somewhat disappointed, says "Measure from the top of my head to the tip of my toes.", he is measured, and paid.

The second soldier says, with his arms stretched wide, "Measure from the tip of my left hand to the tip of my right." He is measured, and paid.

The third soldier smiles happily, and says, "I want you to measure from the head of my penis to my testicles." Somewhat confused, President Obama says, "Whatever you say, soldier, drop your pants." The President looks, and sees that the soldiers testicles are actually missing. After a moment, Barack regains his composure, and asks "Where are they son?" The Soldier looks at the president, smiles, and says, "Baghdad."

3    


boy,transport
It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in the grades and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless because of this.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "BILL CLINTON. CAN I GO NOW?"

52    


girl,sexy
A young boy and his grandfather went fishing one afternoon, after a couple of hours of fishing, the grandfather opened a can of beer, the grandson noticed and asked, "Grandpa, can I have a sip of your beer?" His grandfather looked at him and said, "Grandson, Is your penis long enough to touch your ass?" The grandson replied, "No!"

"Then you're not old enough.", said the grandfather.

A couple of more hours went by, and the grandfather lit a cigarette. Again the grandson noticed and asked, "Grandpa, can I have a cigarette"? The grandfather replied, "Is your penis long enough to touch your asshole?" Again the grandson replied, "No!"

"Well you're not big enough to smoke yet.", said the grandfather.

About an hour had passed and it began to get late, so the grandfather decided to pack it up and head for home. On their way home they stopped at a store, grandpa bought two lottery tickets and gave his grandson one. Grandpa scratched his off, but didn't win anything, The grandson scratched his off and won $10,000. Grandpa was all happy and surprised that his grandson had won and he asked, "Are you going to give some of that money to grandpa?" The boy looked at him and replied, "Grandpa, is your penis big enough to touch your ass?" Grandpa looked at him for a moment, then replied, "YES!"

"Good, then go fuck yourself!", said the grandson.

55    




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