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Bed jokes

109 jokes about beds


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An old lady is being examined by a doctor who asks her: "Have you ever been bedridden?"

The old lady smiles and says: "I certainly have and I've been table ended and back skuttled a few times too!"

21    

girl,sexy

How can you tell soap operas are fictional?

In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed!

0    

man,wheel barrow

girl,sexy
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.

"You aren't so good in bed either!", he shouted and stormed off to work.

By mid morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. "What took you so long to answer?"

"I was in bed."

"What were you doing in bed this late?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

41    


How do you teach a blonde maths?

Add a bed, subtract her knickers, divide her legs, enter your square root, leave your solution and hope she doesn't multiply!

6    

girl,sexy

girl,sexy
A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair. The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

50    




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