Beautiful - 27 jokes
14 → Joke
Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date
's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said.
"I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't you play with Rollo while you're waiting?" He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through."
followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling over. Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through -- and over the balcony railing. Just then Paul's date walked out.
"Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?"
"To tell the truth, "he replied,"Rollo seemed a little depressed to me!"
23 → Joke
filled with politicians
was driving through the countryside one day, on the campaign trail. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery,loses control and crashes into the ditch. A farmer
living nearby hears the horrible crash and rushes out to discover the wreckage. Finding the politicians, he buries them.
The next day, the police come to the farm to question the man. "So you buried all the politicians?" asked the police officer. "Were they all dead?"
The farmer answered, "Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie
15 → Joke
There was a lawyer
and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery
, and his wife
was sitting by his side.
His eyes fluttered open and he said: "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said: "You're cute!"
Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful" it was "cute."
She said: "What happened to 'beautiful'?"
He replied: "The drugs
are wearing off!"
4 → Joke
A woman and a man driver are involved in a horrific collision, but amazingly both escape completely unhurt – though their cars are written off.
As they crawl out of the wreckage, the man sees the woman is blonde and strikingly beautiful. Then the woman turns to the man and gushes breathily:
"That’s incredible both our cars are demolished but we’re fine. It must be a sign from God that we are meant to be together!"
Sensing a promise, the man stammers back, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"
The woman goes on, "And look, though my car was destroyed, this bottle of wine
survived intact, too! It must be another sign. Let’s drink to our love!"
"Well, OK!" says the man, going with the moment. She offers him the bottle, so he downs half of it and hands it back.
"Your turn," says the man.
"No, thanks," says the woman, "I think I’ll just wait for the police
15 → Joke
A young businessman
had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office
and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone
and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."
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