10 jokes about bears
There once was a bear and a rabbit
and they hated each other. The bear and rabbit then stumbled upon a magical talking tree
. The tree said: "I will grant you 3 wishes
a piece if you will stop fighting!"
So the bear went first. "I wish all the bears in the forest are females." And all the bears in the forest turned into females.
The rabbit said: "I wish I had a helmet." Rabbit gets the helmet and the bear looks at him funny.
The bear wishes: "I wish all the bears in the country are females." The wish was granted.
The rabbit says, "I wish I have a motorcycle." By this point the bear thinks the rabbit is the stupidest thing he's ever seen. The rabbit could wish for money and have all the motorcycles in the world.
The bear says: "I wish all the bears in the world are female." The wish is granted.
When it's the rabbit's turn to wish, he puts on his helmet, gets on his motorcycle, and says: "I wish that bear is gay
There was a fly
looking at some food
in a river. The fly thought, "If I go down, I can get the food!"
There was a fish looking at the fly. The fish thought, "If the fly goes down to get the food, I can get the fly!"
There was a bear looking at the fish. The bear thought, "If the fly goes down to get the food, and that fish comes up to get the fly, I can get the fish!"
There was a man looking at the bear. The man thought, "If the fly goes down to get the food, the fish comes up to get the fly, and the bear gets the fish, I can shoot the bear!"
There was a mouse looking at the man. The mouse thought, "If the fly goes down to get the food, the fish comes up to get the fly, the bear gets the fish, and the man shoots the bear, I can get the man's sandwich!"
There was a cat
looking at the mouse. The cat thought, "If the fly goes down to get the food, the fish comes up to get the fly, the bear gets the fish, the man shoots the bear, and the mouse gets the sandwich, I can get the mouse!"
So the fly goes down to get the food. The fish comes up and gets the fly. The bear swipes his mighty paw and gets the fish. The man shoots the bear. The mouse runs for the man's sandwich. The cat lunges for the mouse, misses, and falls in the river.
What's the moral of the story?
When the fly goes down, the pussy
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD
), The FBI
, and the CIA
are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit
into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
I heard Rex Grossman tried to kill himself after the Super Bowl ...
He couldn't go through with it though. He kept dropping the gun