Vacationing in Hawaii
, two priests
decide to wear casual clothes
so they won't be identified as clergy. They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and soon head for the beach.
They notice a gorgeous blond
in a tiny bikini
. "Good afternoon, Fathers" she says as she strolls by.
The men are stunned. How does she know they are clergy? Later that day, they buy even wilder attire consisting of surfer shorts, tie dyed T-shirts, and dark glasses.
The next day, they return to the beach. The same fabulous blond, now wearing a string bikini, passes by, nods politely at them and says, "Good morning Fathers."
"Just a minute young lady.", says one of the priests. "We are priests and proud of it, but how in the world did you know?"
The blonde replies, "Don't you recognize me? I'm sister
Katherine from the convent."
There was a prostitute
on the beach without any arms or legs, and crying
. A man
came along and asked her what the matter was. She tells him that she has not been hugged before, so he picks her up and hugs
The next day she is still there crying, the same man comes along and asks her what the matter is. She tells him that she has not been kissed before, so he picks her up and kisses her.
The next day she's still there crying, and same man comes along again. He asks her sternly what the matter is and she tells him that she has not been fucked
before. So the man picks her up, walks to the end of the pier, and throws her in the sea and says: "Now you're fucked."
was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie
's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she was going to receive the usual three wishes.
The Genie said, "Nope ... due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So ... what'll it be?"
The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace
in the Middle East. See this map
? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war
for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man
. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for ... a good mate."
The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that fucking map!"