Jokes - Bars
Bar Jokes
Bars 1 Game 1 Saying |  A dog walks into this bar, jumps up on the stool and says to the bartender, "Hey barkeep, it's my birthday today. How 'bout a free drink?"The bartender turns, looks at the dog and nods his head, "Sure pal, toilet's right down the hall." 2 Comments · Single View  A guy walks into a bar.Guy: "Hey, barkeeper, give me a beer." Barkeeper: "Tell you what, if you can make that horse out there laugh, I will give you a free beer and $500." So the guy walks outside and whispers to the horse. The horse laughs. The guy walks back in. Guy: "Where's my $500 and free beer?" Barkeeper: "Alright, double or nothing says you can't make that horse cry." The guy walks outside again. The barkeep chuckles to himself as he's cleaning a glass and misses what the guy does, but he hears the horse crying. The guy comes back in. Guy: "Alright, where's my $1000 and two free beers?" Barkeeper: "What did you say to make the horse laugh?" Guy : "I told him I have a bigger penis than him." Barkeeper: "What did you do to make him cry?" Guy: "I showed him." 6 Comments · Single View  A man sits in a bar, reading a newspaper. Suddenly he is tapped on his shoulder by another man: "Excuse me sir, but do you know Mrs. Appleblossom?"The man folds up his newspaper, coughs slightly and replies: "just a moment sir", after which he takes out a little black notebook. "A, A, A... [finding the name in the book] yes, actually I do know Mrs. Appleblossom.". He puts the notebook back into his inside pocket picks up the newspaper and continues reading. The other man taps his shoulder again: "Excuse me sir, but have you been to bed with Mrs. Appleblossom?" The first gent puts the newspaper down again, finds his notebook and checks: "B, B, B... ahh, yes, I have been to bed with Mrs. Appleblossom" He starts putting the notebook away when he once again is tapped on the shoulder: "Excuse me sir, but I am Mr. Appleblossom, and I am very disappointed" "D, D, D... ahh... yes sir, so was I!" 3 Comments · Single View  A fellow was about to enter a bar when a dog tugged at his trouser leg and said to him, "Hey, pal! Wanna make some quick money?"The man couldn't believe his ears. He said to the dog, "Can you talk?" "Yeah," the dog answered, "and that's how we can pick up some easy money. You take me into the bar with you, pretend I'm your dog, and bet everybody I can talk." The fellow thought that was a great idea, so he took the dog into the bar, set it on the bar, and announced to everyone that the dog could talk. The other patrons didn't believe him, and it wasn't long before several thousand dollars had been bet. Finally, after all the bets had been placed, the guy said to the dog, "All right, go ahead and say something." Nothing. He told the dog again, "Hey! All the bets are placed! Say something, for God's sake!" The dog just looked at him and whined. He, asked again and again, but the dog wouldn't say a word. Finally, the fellow had to pay all the bets, scooped up the dog in disgust and walked out. Once outside, he screamed at the dog, "You just cost me way over a thousand dollars! You got anything to say before I seriously boot your mangy arse?" "Take it easy, pal! You ain't thinkin'," the dog answered. "Tomorrow night, we'll be able to get odds of fives or better." 4 Comments · Single View  Wade Boggs, Steve Garvey and Pete Rose are in a bar.A pretty woman walks by and Boggs says, "I'm going to ask her out." Garvey replied, "You can't do that, she's carrying my baby." To which Rose added, "You wanna bet?" 1 Comment · Single View |