96 jokes about bars
63 → Joke
A guy stuck his head into a barber
shop and asked: "How long before I can get a haircut
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said: "About 2 hours." The guy left.
A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked: "How long before I can get a haircut?".
The barber looked around at the shop and said: "About 3 hours." The guy left.
A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked: "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop and said: "About an hour only."
The guy left. The barber turned to a friend and said: "Hey, Bill, do me a favour. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back".
A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked: "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"
Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said: "To your wife!"
64 → Joke
walked into the classroom
to find the word "penis
" chalked in small letters on the board. She was a bit embarrassed, so she didn't say anything, but rubbed it out and went on with the class.
But the next day when she came in, she found the same thing again - "penis", this time written slightly larger. So she rubbed it out again, and went on with the lesson.
Again next day, in larger letters, there was the word "penis" again. With a red face she rubbed it out and went on with the lesson.
Well, this went on for a whole week, every day the word penis getting bigger
Finally, on Friday she went into the classroom to find chalked up: "See, the harder you rub it, the bigger it gets!"
46 → Joke
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar
bill in one hand and two quarters
in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"
47 → Joke
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E and F are the letters
used to define bra
sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for... It is about time you became informed:
A ... Almost Boobs
B ... Barely there.
C ... Can't Complain!
D ... Damn!
DD... Double damn!
E ... Enormous!
F ... Fake
54 → Joke
drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument
and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Yep," the wife
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