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Bar jokes

96 jokes about bars



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A dog walks into this bar, jumps up on the stool and says to the bartender, "Hey barkeep, it's my birthday today. How 'bout a free drink?"

The bartender turns, looks at the dog and nods his head, "Sure pal, toilet's right down the hall."

16     → Joke


Two vampires walked into a bar and called for the bartender.

"I'll have a glass of blood," said one.

"I'll have a glass of plasma," said the other.

"Okay," replied the bartender, "That'll be one blood and one blood lite."

28     → Joke


A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous babe nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says, "Hi, there, good looking'! How's it going'?"

She, having already downed a few power drinks, turned around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and said: "Listen! I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, front door, back door, it doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college. I just flat-ass love it!"

Eyes now wide with interest, he responded, "No kidding! I'm a lawyer, too! What firm are you with?

17     → Joke


A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can.

He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!".

After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"

9     → Joke


A bloke walks into a bar and orders 10 double whiskys and downs them in one.

Barman: "What's up?"

Bloke: "My youngest son just told me he's gay".

Next day he goes in and orders 15 double whiskys.

Barman: "What's up now?"

Bloke: "Just found out my oldest son is gay!"

Next day he goes in and orders 20 double whiskys.

Barman: "Fuck me! Does no one in your family like pussies?"

Bloke: "Yes - my wife!"

63     → Joke



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