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When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.

The Russians used a pencil.

18     → Joke


A one dollar bill met a twenty dollar bill and said, "Hey, where've you been? I haven't seen you around here much."

The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for a while, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?"

The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff ... church, church, church."

26     → Joke


Proposal

A family of three are in a hot air balloon. It's a mom, dad, and a toddler. The balloon catches fire and the mom says, "We need to get out of here!"

The dad picks up the two parachutes and straps one on himself and one on his wife.

"What about the baby?" Asks the mom.
"We'll have to leave him here." The dad replies, and he grabs the mom's hand, and jumps out.

The two landed safely, right outside of a small town. They went into a restaraunt, as they were hungry. The waitress says, "I think there's someone here waiting for you, you fit the description."

The couple follow the waitress to a table where their child is sitting!
"How did you get here? We thought you died!" Exclaimed the father.
The toddler said, "Me no stupid, me no dumb, me jump onto Daddy's bum! Daddy goes 'boom', and I go zoom, and that's how I got here so soon."

The mom is shocked. "I told you not to eat those beans for dinner last night!"

7     → Joke


Yo momma is so fat, when she plays football she plays offense and defense.

9     → Joke


The psychology teacher had just finished a lecture on mental health and had proceeded to give an oral quiz to the students. Speaking specifically about manic depression, the teacher asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

13     → Joke


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