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Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

When the kids are in college.

25     Wife Jokes


A woman and a baby come into the doctor's office. She is taken into an examining room and waits for the doctor. After arriving there, the doctor examines the baby, and finds him not gaining much weight and asks the woman, "Is he breast fed or on the bottle?"

"Oh ... he is breast fed!", replied the woman.

"Well then, strip down to your waist," orders the doctor.

She takes off her top and bra and sits on the examing table. The doc starts pressing, kneading and pinching both breasts for quite a while in a very detailed and thorough examination.

The doc motions to her to get dressed, then the doctor says: "No wonder this baby is so hungry. You don't have any milk!"

The woman with a wry grin on her face responds: "Well of course I don't." "I'm his aunt - but I'm sure glad I brought him in!"

31     Woman Jokes


A woman goes to the hospital, and her doctor gives her a sonogram.

He sees the baby and suddenly the baby says: "Are you my daddy?"

The doctor is shocked and goes to get another doctor, who looks at the sonogram.

The baby says again: "Are you my daddy?"

The doctor says: "No, I'm not your father."

They go to get the dad, the father looks at his baby boy and the baby asked: "Are you my daddy?"

And the father says: "Yes, I am!"

So, the baby pops out of the mother's womb, picks up his hand, and starts poking the father in the head while saying: "How do you like that?! How do you like that?!"

15     Father Jokes


Wade Boggs, Steve Garvey and Pete Rose are in a bar.

A pretty woman walks by and Boggs says, "I'm going to ask her out."

Garvey replied, "You can't do that, she's carrying my baby."

To which Rose added, "You wanna bet?"

18     Sex Jokes


What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?

Pregnant.

49     Blonde Jokes






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