were in their bedroom and the girl
says to her boyfriend, "I wish I had bigger tits
The boyfriend says "Well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months".
"How will that help to make my tits bigger?" asks the girlfriend.
"Well it worked for your ass" says the boyfriend.
One day a man went into a restaurant
and ordered a bowl of soup
. The waitress
brought his order out to him on a tray with her middle finger immersed in the middle of his soup bowl.
"What the hell's the idea of putting your finger in my soup bowl?" the man bellowed at the waitress.
"My doctor said the best thing for my rheumatism
was to keep my finger pressed in a warm damp place," the waitress informed him.
"Oh yeah," the man shouted, "then why don't you take that finger of yours and shove it up your fat ass?"
"I'm sorry sir the waitress replied, but I already tried that before I brought your soup out."
A lady in labour
is shouting the usual stuff: "Get this out of me!", "Give me the drugs!",... She turns to her boyfriend and says: "You did this to me you bastard!"
He replies casually: "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse but you said 'Fuck Off! It'll be too painful!' Not laughing now are we!?"