The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word "definitely" in a sentence.38 Little Johnny Jokes
Little Johnny replies: "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"
The Teacher says: "Of course not Johnny."
To which Johnny replies: "Then I have definitely shit my pants."
What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?28 Insect Jokes
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?35 Woman Jokes
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me ..."
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon Little Johnny, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came.35 Little Johnny Jokes
Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnny had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.
"It's a period" reported Johnny.
"Well I can see that" she said. "but what is so exciting about a period."
"Damned if I know" said Johnny, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."
A man speaks frantically on phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"34 Doctor Jokes
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"