A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the pupils' answer by reciting a short poem.41 Little Johnny Jokes
The first kid sat in the first row was a teachers pet. He stood and said, "My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can."
The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. She stood up and answered the roll call by stating, "My name is Suzy, and when I become a lady I would like to have a baby ... if I can, and I think I can."
The next on the list was Little Johnny, a smart guy sitting in the back of the room. He stood up and said, "My name is Johnny, and I don't give a darn about Japan but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I can ... and I think can!"
Why do men fart louder than women?43 Fart Jokes
Because they have a microphone and two speakers.
A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean it, prepare it, and serve the deer meat for dinner. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what it is, so he doesn't tell them.42 Asshole Jokes
His little boy keeps asking him, "What's for dinner dad?"
"You'll see", he replies.
They start eating dinner and his daughter keeps asking him what they are eating.
"Ok", says her dad, "Here's a hint. It's what your mother sometimes calls me."
His daughter screams ... "Don't eat it, Jimmy! ... It's a fucking asshole ..."
A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Bernie Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Bernie Schwartz had the longest penis he had ever seen!40 Penis Jokes
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," said the mortician, "But I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity."
And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's schlong. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife.
"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened his briefcase.
"Oh my god!" she screamed, "Bernie Schwartz is dead!"
Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, "Where in the hell have you been?"42 Tattoo JokesNext page JokesArt Sayings
Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred Dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"
"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."