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What's the first rule of scuba diving?

Don't fart in your wetsuit.

6     farting jokes


Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said.

"I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't you play with Rollo while you're waiting?" He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through."

The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling over. Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through -- and over the balcony railing. Just then Paul's date walked out.

"Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?"

"To tell the truth, "he replied,"Rollo seemed a little depressed to me!"

17     dog jokes


A guy goes to his eye doctor for an examination. They start talking as the doctor is examining his eyes. In the middle of their conversation, the doctor casually says, "You need to stop masturbating."

The guy replies, "Why Doc? Am I going blind?"

The doctor says, "No, but you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."

27     doctor jokes


Proposal

Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!”

The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other guy will do.

The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!”

The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”

3     Short jokes


A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

Doctor: "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

Pastor: "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause] "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

George: "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.

Pastor: "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

Doctor: "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

Engineer: "Why can't these guys play at night?"

22     engineer jokes






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