258 jokes about art
28 money jokes
A woman recently lost her husband
. She had him cremated and brought his ashes
home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter.
She started talking to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "You know that fur coat you promised me Irving?"
She answered by saying, "I bought it with the insurance money
She then said, "Irving, remember that new car you promised me?"
She answered again saying, "Well, I bought it with the insurance money!"
Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, "Irving remember that blow job I promised you?
Here it comes ..."
28 doctor jokes
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor
to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said: "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied: "Just doing what you said, Doc. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful."
The doctor said: "I didn't say that. I said, You've got a heart murmur - be careful."
20 Walmart jokes
One day I got hired to be a Walmart
greeter. I was doing a fine job untill a women
with her two kids came in.
This women was very ugly, fat, and disgusting. She kept yelling at her two kids, cussing all over the place.
I walked up to her and said, "excuse me mam, what lovely kids you have, are they twins
She cussed at me and said, "what are you fucking retarded, anyone with eyes can tell that they aren't twins, one's 7 and the other is 9!"
I though about this for some seconds and responded, "I didn't think they looked like twins but I just couldn't believe someone would want to sleep with you twice
That was my first and last day being a Walmart greeter.
27 jail jokes
Three guys go down to Mexico
one night, get drunk
and wake up in jail
. They find out that they're to be executed for their crimes but none of them can remember what they have done.
The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words. He says, "I am a priest and I believe in the almighty power of God
to intervene on behalf of the innocent." They throw the switch and nothing happens; so they figure God must not want this guy to die, and let him go.
The second one is strapped in and gives his last words. "I am an attorney and I believe in the eternal power of Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." The switch is thrown and again nothing happens.
Figuring the law is on this guy's side, they let him go. The last one is strapped in and say's "I'm an electrical engineer
, and I'll tell you right now, you'll never electrocute anybody if you don't connect those two wires." God rest his soul.
25 tampon jokesNext page Jokesart sayings
walks into a pharmacy
and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons
for his wife
. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes
, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's so much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own ... so does she.