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Army jokes

14 jokes about armies


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A general calls a colonel: "Do you have a couple of smart majors?"

"Yes Sir, I do."

"Send them to me. I need to move my furniture around."

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guys,furniture

computer
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard drive?

He was trying to get in touch with Private Data but if it involves a Major Disaster I understand that the fault lies with General Protection.

Furthermore, if you cannot reboot it may be because of a corrupt Colonel.

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"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman. "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave."

"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"

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Proposal

A man is browsing an antique shop when he sees a striking brass rat. He ask the owner how much. He says, "$100, but you can't return it! It's been returned twice and I don't want to see it again." The man pays the money and walks to his car. He sees a rat scurry under his foot. As he drives along, he notices a few more rats scurrying along behind his car. As he continues, he looks in his rear-view mirror and sees more and more rats following after him. He floors it and the rats begin to catch up, getting more and more numerous. Finally, he drives over a bridge and throws the brass rat over the side, watching as the army of rats follow the statue into the churning river below. The man drives back to the antique shop. The owner sees him enter and says, "I told you, no returns on that brass rat!" The man says to the owner, "No, no, I don't want to return it. I was just wondering if you had a brass lawyer?"     ~ Nick OTine

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