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A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

With even greater emphasis, he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

And then, finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down.

The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a pleasant smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather At the River.'"

37    


How do you get a blonde on the roof?

Tell her drinks are on the house.

9    

blonde:3

woman,roses
The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his cheek. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in at six o'clock in the morning?"

"There is." he replied, "Breakfast."

16    


What not to say to the nice policeman:

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

11    

policeman,shield

An Alcoholic, a Chain Smoker and a Homosexual go to the doctor.

The doctor says: "If any of you indulge one more time you'll die."

As they walk home they pass a bar. The Alcoholic has a shot of whiskey, falls off his stool stone cold dead. His friends are shocked.

As they walk along they come upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground still burning. The Homosexual looks at the Chain Smoker and says: "If you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead!"

14    




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