18 jokes about airplanes
17 airport jokes
Speaking of airports
, the one servicing the Hamburg
area is known to be staffed by a rather snooty ground control crew. They expect you to know exactly where to go and what to do, which may lead to frustration on the part of aircraft captains
new to the route. This is the account of one such flight in particular, concerning a senior captain ...
"Tower, British Airways one-seven, completed rollout, awaiting further instructions."
"British Airways one-seven, this is Hamburg ground, clear to taxi to Gate Seven."
"Roger, Hamburg ground, request directions to Gate Seven."
"British Airways one-seven, have you never been to Hamburg before?"
"Yes, a number of times, Hamburg ground, in 1944, but we did not stop!"
Cessna10 pilot jokes
: "Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot
, I am out of fuel
Tower: "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!"
Cessna: "Uh ... tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."
9 cockpit jokes
As the airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight
attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts etc. Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell and crew take you safely to your destination."
Joe sitting in the 8th row thought to himself, "Did I hear her right - is the captain a woman
? I think I better have scotch
When the attendants came by with drink cart, he said, "Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"
"Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female
"My God," said Joe, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think of all those women up there in the cockpit
"That's another thing," said the attendant, "We no longer call it the cockpit."
24 microsoft jokes
is flying a small, single-engine, charter plane
with a couple of really important executives on board into Seattle
airport. There is fog
so thick that visibility is 40 feet, and his instruments are out. He circles looking for a landmark and after an hour, he is low on fuel and his passengers are very nervous. At last, through a small opening in the fog he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. Circling, the pilot banks and shouts through his open window: "Hey, where am I?". The solitary office worker replies: "You're in an airplane.". The pilot immediately executes a swift 275 degree turn and executes a perfect blind landing on the airport's runway five miles away. Just as the plane stops, the engines cough and die from lack of fuel. The stunned passengers ask the pilot how he did it. "Elementary," replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100% correct but absolutely useless; therefore, I knew that must be Microsoft
's support office and from there the airport is three minutes away on a course of 87 degrees."
11 blonde jokesNext page Jokes
is on a four-engine plane
crossing the Atlantic.
All of a sudden there's a loud bang. The pilot
announces over the intercom “I'm sorry, one of our engines
has just shut off. We'll be delayed 45 minutes.”
Suddenly there's another bang. Once again, the intercom clicks on and the pilot expresses his regret that they'll be delayed two hours.
Shortly thereafter, there is third bang and the pilot announces that they'll be delayed 3 hours.
The blonde turns to the guy sitting beside her and says, “Man, if the fourth engine shuts off we'll be up here all day.”