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A woman was standing in a crowded lift of the hotel she was staying in. When a man got in and accidentally elbowed her in the breast.

The man said, "I'm sorry! But if your heart is as soft as your tit, you'll forgive me."

So the woman replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow then I am staying in room 113."

49     dick jokes


What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?

Pregnant.

49     blonde jokes


A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked: "How long before I can get a haircut?".

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said: "About 2 hours." The guy left.

A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked: "How long before I can get a haircut?".

The barber looked around at the shop and said: "About 3 hours." The guy left.

A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked: "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around the shop and said: "About an hour only."

The guy left. The barber turned to a friend and said: "Hey, Bill, do me a favour. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back".

A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asked: "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"

Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said: "To your wife!"

48     barber jokes


Proposal

Mary's teacher asked "Stand up if you think you are an idiot ..." she sarcastically announced. Mary stoop up, smoothing her dress.

"Do you consider yourself an idiot, Mary?" The teacher said with a smirk.
"No, of course not. I just didn't want you to be the only person standing."

8     Short jokes


Proposal

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?

" Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.

What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"
Sherman said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Edward, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"

"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner."

The teacher fainted ...

32     Short jokes






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