Husband83 → Joke
on 10th anniversary. The wife undresses and says: "What did you think when I stripped 10 years ago?"
He says: "I wanted to fuck
your brains out and suck your tits dry".
She says: "What are you thinking now?"
"Looks like I did a pretty good job!"
31 → Joke
and his wife
were having a big argument
at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed
either!" he shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone. "What took you so long to answer?"
"I was in bed."
"What were you doing in bed this late?"
"Getting a second opinion
47 → Joke
The man tells his doctor
that his wife
hasn't wanted to have sex
with him for the past 7 months. The physician tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her.
When the wife comes to office, the doctor asks her why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband
"For the last 7 months," the wife replies, "every morning I take a cab to work. I don't make much money and my husband doesn't give more than bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' I always give him an 'or what'. That makes me late to work I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to dock your salary, or what?' That's another 'or what.' On the way home, I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' And, again, I do an 'or what'. So you see, Doctor, when I get home I'm all tired out and I don't want sex any more."
The doctor thinks for a second. "So," he says, "are we going to tell your husband or what?"
55 → Joke
A husband pinches his wifes
arse and says: "Do you know if you firm this up you could get rid of your girdle?"
The wife annoyed, decided to bite her tongue and say nothing.
Later that night in bed, the husband squeezed her tits
and said: "Do you know, if you firmed these up you could get rid of your bra?"
Absolutely fuming, the wife reached over and grabbed his dick and said: "Well do you know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the milk man and your fucking brother?"
44 → JokeNext page Back to home
and, following the wedding, the husband
laid down some rules
"I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing
, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?"
His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex
here at seven o'clock every night ... whether you're here or not."