A life long supporter of the labour party
was lying on his death
bed when he suddenly decided to join the Tory
"But why?" asked his puzzled friend, "You're labour through and through … Why change now?"
leaned forward and explained: "Well, I'd rather it was one of them that died and not one of us."
placed some flowers on the grave
of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife
's first husband
Give a man
, he eats for a day.
Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime.
Give a man a fire
, he's warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, he's warm for the rest of his life.
was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing.
"Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
As she passed the 14th floor, a man
standing at his railing caught her in his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her. As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her.
"Do you screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself. He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor.
"I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
!" he said, and dropped her.