What's worse than finding a caterpillar in your salad?2
Finding half a caterpillar!
had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad situation he would always say: ''It could have been worse.'' His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side. So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date.
Joe asked: ''Where's Gary?''
And one of his friends said: ''Didn't you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.''
Joe says: ''Well it could have been worse.''
Both his friends said: ''How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!''
Joe says: ''If it had happened two days ago, I would be dead now!"
What do you do if your best friend
runs off with your husband
Miss her. Pity her.
Paddy and his two friends
are talking at a bar
. His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair
with the electrician. Last week I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."
His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. This week I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse
." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No I'm serious. Yesterday I came home and found a jockey
under our bed."
Two guys are playing golf
. The women in front of them are really taking their time and are slowing the men up.
So one man says to his friend
, "I'm gonna go ask those ladies if we can play through."
He starts walking, but about halfway there, he turns around. When he gets back, his friend asks what happened.
He replies, "One of those women is my wife
, and the other is my mistress
. Why don't you go talk to them?"
So the second man starts to walk over. He gets halfway there and turns around.
When he gets back, his friend asks, "Now what happened?"
To this he replies, "Small world."