How many men
does it take to open a beer
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
HOW TO IMPRESS
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
... with beer
walked into the kitchen to find her husband
stalking a round with a fly
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting flies," He responded.
"Oh, killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, three males
, two females
," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell?
He responded, "Three were on a beer
can, two were on the phone
One night a man
and a woman
are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors
. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, "Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun." The woman doctor agrees to it.
So they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. Finally she goes in the bedroom and they have sex
for an hour or so.
Afterwards, the man says to the woman, "You're a surgeon
, aren't you?" "Yeah, how did you know?" The man says, "I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started." "Oh, that makes sense", says the woman. " You're an anesthesiologist
aren't you?" "Yeah", says the man , a bit surprised. "How did you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
Yesterday, government scientists suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.4
The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each.
It was then observed that 100 % of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.