A man walks into a bar and asks for the strongest drink they have.4 → Joke
the bartender says to the man 'bad day, huh?'
the man replies, 'yeah, i just found out my oldest son is gay'
the next day the man walks into the bar again and asks for a double of what he had the last time the bartender goes 'bad day again mate?'
the man replies 'yep, just found out my youngest son is gay'
a week after this the man walks into the bar again and asks for triple of his last drink the bartender is shocked and asks 'doesn't anyone in your family like chicks?'
'YEAH' says the man, 'MY WIFE!'
67 → Joke
Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar
talking about their lives.
The first guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE
. You know, Young Urban Professional."
The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids."
They then asked the woman, "What are you?"
She replied: "I'm a WIFE
. You know, Wash, Iron, Fuck
41 → Joke
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini
on the rocks.
After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders another double martini.
After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders another one.
The bartender says: "Look, buddy, I'll bring you martini's all night long - but you got to tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
The customer replies: "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife
. When she starts to look good, I will know it's time to go home!"
25 → Joke
Patty loves to drink at the local bar
, but his wife
disapproves of this. One night, he's at the bar and he gets extremely drunk
. He tries to stand up, but immedeatly falls to the floor. He tries this a few more times, but each time he falls to the floor. People offered to help him, but he said no each time. He finally ended up dragging himself home and sneaking into bed, thinking his wife would never catch him.
The next morning, Patty's wife says, "Patty, you son of a bitch
! You were at the bar last night drinking
Patty was confused. "How did you find out?"
"The bar called. You left your wheelchair
16 → Joke
A man is sitting at the bar
in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey
. One of his friends
happens to come into the bar and sees him.
"Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink
before. What's going on?"
Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife
just ran off with my best friend."
He then throws back another shot of whisky
in one gulp.
"But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!"
The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs,
"Not anymore! ... He is!"