, a pastor
was leading the house in prayer. He said, "God
, please protect your believers, and deliver us from sin."
stood up and said, "What have you done for me lately?"
, down on his luck
, went into a church
which catered to the "uppity". Spotting the man's dirty clothes a deacon
, worried about the churches image, went to the man and asked him if he needed help. The man said, "I was praying and the Lord
told me to come to this church."
The deacon suggested that the man go pray some more and possibly he might get a different answer. The next Sunday the man returned. The deacon asked, "Did you get a different answer?"
The man replied, "Yes I did. I told the Lord that they don't want me in that church and the Lord said, 'Don't worry about it son; I've been trying to get into that church for years and haven't made it yet."
were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch
. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples
. The nun
made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies
. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying
. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters
. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
What's the difference between a Lady
in the church
and lady in the bathtub
One has Hope in her Soul and One has Soap
in her Hole